As I continue to move further toward my dream I have discovered I harbor an incessant need to win.
This is a surprise to me as I have never considered myself competitive.Â I have in fact given credit for my work to other people; allowed them to take creditÂ may beÂ a better description.
Driving yourself to win can be a good thing but I have found an ugly side as well.Â Here are a few examples from both sides.
Entering writing competitions: Okay the need to win here is good.Â If I want to keep moving forward then I need to win some recognition right?
Take a class with your daughter:Â We are taking medical terminology at the Santa Rosa Junior College.Â Â I am taking it to assist in my job search.Â My daughter is taking it to enter the medical field.Â Her reasons are purely altruistic while mine are motivated by the need for a paycheck.
So why do I feel the need to win?
I am in my forties going back to school for the first time since high school.Â She is my 22 year old daughter.Â If that doesn’t explain it to you then I am afraid you will never get it.Â However, the need to win in this case makes me feel like a horrible person.Â She is my daughter and I want her to do well.
I just need to do better.
Wrestle with your husband:Â I thought I was relatively strong but then I challenged him.Â Ha! It mightÂ have been more of a challenge for him if he had been drunk and I had been armed.Â I blindly went into this thinking I had a chance to win.Â I will never win this challenge – never.
Then again… if I keep working out… maybe…
Speaking of working out.
There areÂ work out hula hoops at my gymÂ and I decided I should give oneÂ a try. Here is where the need to win becomes really ugly.Â I put the thing over my head, held it as horizontal to the floor as I could and then threw it around me as though trying to cut myself in half.Â Â The objective is to keep it up around your waist.
He – he – right. The first time it hit my knee I silently thought ouch.Â The third time I said it out loud but was determinedÂ to beat the dang thing.Â Â The fifth time I decided it was time to stop for the day.Â As I walked away I saw that I had already bruised.Â This picture was taken 4 days later.Â I think there may be times when you should know to stop even if it means you won’t win.Â (And why did I need to beat the hula hoop in the first place?)
The need to win can become ugly both mentally and physically, not to mention painful.Â I thinkÂ it’s important toÂ keep tryingÂ though.Â Anyone up to challenging me on that?
Until next week,
Keep Dreaming (but stop when it really hurts)
(Dawnda’s dream was to get some piece of writing published in 2009.Â She left the 8 Women Dream group in 2009 to focus on finding full-time employment.Â We consider her an accomplished dreamer as she published her thoughts here and began her own scary stories blog at www.killeryarns.com)