What Everyone Ought To Know About the Many Masks I Wear

In last weeks post it was mentioned that I need to do three things -

1. Ask for help.
   I asked several of my good friends to help me with where I have heard and feel things aren’t working in the direction I would like to go.
2. Learn from mistakes
   Well I have made the same mistakes over and over and over again.  No matter what I try, I fail at it.  So that road I keep going down, needs a new perspective.  Obviously I am not seeing what I need to see, or I wouldn’t be going down the same road again and again.
3. When you can’t keep the faith, a dream group will assist – like 8 Women Dream.
   If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for someone else.  Ok group you asked for it, I will do it for 8 women dream, if for no other reason then, it will give us a sense of accomplishment.

I just couldn’t get myself positioned to be able to see what it is that I am missing – so I took another look – a deeper look at that which I have blinded myself to.  I have been unable to face the truth  that I alone have created my reality, and now must change my beliefs in order to achieve my goal.

I asked my friends to read my blogs.  After reading my blogs,  they all said the same thing.

Where is the passion that we see in you?  Where is the woman that we know?  What is going on?  What are you afraid of?

Open up.

Let it out.

You know how to do this.

I profess that I honestly don’t know how to do this.

Is this yet another mask that I wear?

I have been taught that the first answer that comes up for you – thet first thought that enters your head is the answer.  There is no need to look further.

I ask myself, “What am I afraid of?”

I am afraid that if you know who I really am – that if you saw what I try so hard to hide – you wouldn’t like me.

Hence here are the masks I wear as I move through life:

• The Know It All Mask – if I know everything then won’t you think I am wonderful.  Making sure I am able to handle everything, know everything, don’t need anything. Yeah right.

• The Instant Expert Mask -  This mask is typically accompanied by a burning desire to beat people over the head with my important knowledge.   God help me, let me be a student as well as a teacher.

• The I Am Successful Mask – the goal of this mask is so you think I must be brilliant, that I actually am somebody worthy of respect.

My inner work this week has brought about an awakening.  My vision has cleared.  Tomorrow is another day, a day I look forward to filled with hope.

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be over-wise, In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us while We wear the mask.
We smile, but oh great Christ, our cries To Thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

by Paul Laurence Dunbar (1872-1906)

I am off to Yosemite this weekend.  Have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.

What are you thankful for?

Veronica

(Veronica’s dream is body satisfaction.  This includes losing weight, making her body strong, accepting her body image while trying to achieve a better one.  Veronica is a recovering alcoholic who has turned a liability into an asset.  She works with women who desire staying clean and sober and works with families as a interventionist. Her post day is Saturdays)

DREAM GOAL:  May 16,2010 Bay to Breakers 12K

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