Ízletes! 
That’s Hungarian for delicious, and that was my Saturday night – enjoying Hungarian pastries including Dobos Torta, a nine-layer confection made with alternating layers of sponge cake and chocolate buttercream and topped with hard caramel, and Rétes, a nut pastry made with layers of super-fine dough and filled with poppy seeds (makos).
I was at the Hungarian Pastry Shop in NYC, right across the street from Saint John the Divine Cathedral at Amsterdam and 110th, with my friend Zoltan, who is Hungarian, speaks the language fluently, taught me some new words, and shared Budapest stories. I’d told him I wanted to try something new, was up for adventure, and he delivered!
While we visited I sipped Hungarian coffee, sweet and flavored with almond and topped with whipped cream. The shop ambience was Old World and bustling – the small square tables pushed together, full to overflowing with people, the walls lined with quaint paintings, the bottomless pot of coffee flowing (they offer free refills!).
I Love Adventure!
I am always up for adventure. Earlier in the day I’d tried a new vegan restaurant in Jersey City with another friend. I ordered the tuna veggie protein, imitation fish, on top of salad. It was delicious! Stephan tried the vegan pepper steak.
The night before, I’d been out dancing to a live band. My friend Gordon Webster just released a CD, Happy When I’m With You, and the band was swinging hard. The hall on the 2nd floor of Sal Anthony’s restaurant on Mulberry Street in Little Italy was packed with dancers.
Just for fun, I wore a silver sequined mini-skirt over black leggings, and a low-cut top decorated with rhinestones, and disco ball earrings. I was essentially a walking disco ball myself!
Breaking Promises to Myself
So my weekend was a ball, in terms of new adventures. And it was also challenging, in terms of my dreams.
I’d dedicated Sunday afternoon to working on my book and to cleaning house, and instead lay down to read and ended up napping for hours.
I woke up completely discouraged. I’d broken my promise to myself.
Am I ever going to live this dream? Am I ever going to change all the things I profess to want to change in my life?
I was filled with all kinds of swirling, unproductive thoughts about my unworthiness!
Ain’t No Fun To Feel Despair!
I recognize this stream of thought. It’s a form of despair, getting caught in the thoughts about not being good enough in one way or another, and feeling badly.
I’ll admit I sometimes want to just wrap despair around me like a blanket, hide from the world and take comfort from the fact that she asks nothing of me. She can be seductive, and oddly comforting. If you give into despair, you do not have to do anything.
But she also leaves you with nothing. Despair is like a bad one-night stand – a flash of guilty pleasure, and then nothing left but the guilt.
Back on Fire!
And the fire in me always re-ignites itself quickly – the spirit is too strong. I have never been able to stay down for long.
And really, to put things in perspective, all I did was take a nap!
Today I got back on track, worked on the book, wrote a few more pages.
I headed to the gym to work out and clear my head. And while on the treadmill, I read a great article in Yoga magazine about starting over. This is my new practice!
How to Practice Starting Over
Meditation teacher Phillip Moffitt describes the technique this way: “So how do you practice starting over? You shift your attention away from controlling the outcome, and you abandon the usual reactions to getting off track (criticizing, judging, complaining and lamenting).
“You don’t deny your thoughts and feelings, and you don’t try to make them go away. Instead, you acknowledge them without making any judgments about them but with compassion for how difficult this moment is.
“You then follow the acknowledgments with what I call the ‘and’ practice, in which you say to yourself, ‘Yes, I just got lost, and now I’ll just start over.’”
It’s So Simple – Make a New Start, Over and Over…
I love the simplicity of this. Yes, I got lost in my negative thoughts. Yes, I broke my promise to myself to work on the book on Sunday. Yes, I felt badly about this. Yet rather than just spiral further into my thoughts, I’ll just acknowledge this – and start over.
F. Scott Fitzgerald once said: “Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over.”
Life is a Series of Moments…
Moffitt continued: “Your goals matter because they give direction to your life, but your actual life happens in the endless stream of moments that occur between now and when, if ever, you reach your goal. Because you focus on the journey and not the goal, you find the willpower and the inspiration to start over.”
I love this. Which of us has never fallen down or felt discouraged along the path at times? I haven’t met that person yet. I think there is something incredibly courageous about simply saying – yes, I’ve fallen, and yes from here I will start over.
Hope you can find the strength within yourself to start over whenever you feel that you have gotten behind on your dreams.
Join me in trying this on as a new practice this week!
Lisa
(Lisa has launched her dream by signing up for Ellen Sussman’s “Memoir-in-a-Year” class, speaking her story out loud at a Take Back the Night rally, and committing to a regular writing schedule – 50 pages completed by December 5th, when she also turned in her first book chapter! She just achieved another milestone – 100 pages completed by February 6th! Being invited to join 8womendream.com was a dream come true, and she looks forward to chronicling her writing process. Lisa is currently bi-coastal with her home in historic Troy, New York and her heart in San Francisco. Lisa’s post day is Tuesday).
DREAM GOAL: NOVEMBER 01, 2010 COMPLETED MEMOIR
Lisa is a freelance writer, consultant and life coach. She has her BA in English and Creative Writing from Princeton and her MPA from Harvard. Lisa recently finished the first draft of her book manuscript, Burning Down the House. Her dream is to publish this first book and teach the world how to successfully go after their dreams. She is also a lindy hopper, belly dancer and globe-trotter. Her post day is Tuesday. +Lisa Powell Graham lisa.powell.graham@gmail.com Lisa Powell Graham
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