The goals I am to achieve by our next 8 women Dream meeting are -
1) get a copy of The Writer’s Market and determine 3 magazines to which I would like to submit stories based on genre
and
2) go to a writers club meeting.
As it turns out Cath found a meeting coming soon that has the same requirement as my goal number 1. So great right? Two birds and all of that – but oh so intimidating.
I will meet those goals simply because right now I feel like I have to, though I’m not sure why I feel that way. Is it that I feel as though I would be letting the group down if I didn’t meet the goals? Or perhaps it’s that I would be letting myself down? Or maybe even that I just know I really, really need to push myself right now?
Probably all of the above.
I want to take a moment to thank KB for the comment she made to my post about Procrastinating. She reminded me that the knowledge that something is going to happen doesn’t negate what we experience after the fact. This is especially true when the something has been a huge part of your life even if you wanted it to happen or at least thought you were ready for it to happen. My job of 19 years ended.
I knew it was ending; I would have had to be blind not to see it coming. And while I can easily say that I am in the best place in my life for this to have happened, and that I can see so many opportunities opening up, there are still moments when I am sad. I am sad for the loss of the income, of course; sad for the loss of the routine, sure; but most of all sad for the loss of the people. Yes we still see each other from time to time but it will never be the same.
KB’s comment gave me a feeling of freedom, if that makes any sense. It’s not as though I hadn’t thought these things myself but hearing (seeing) them from someone else really validates them. It’s almost as though I have been given permission to feel bad
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy, for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before can enter into another. Anatole France
You may wonder how this fits into my dream – at least someone might. Well, let me tell ya – I can hardly sleep at night now! It’s like the barricade in front of the door of ideas was blown away causing everything behind it to coming pouring through on a tidal wave. All of the thoughts and ideas that are flitting through my mind now are overwhelming. I lay in bed seeing (yes seeing) pieces of thoughts flying past like all the little lights you see when your plane is descending for landing.
I also hear them, these thoughts and ideas for stories. Right now there are so many they sound like dry, brittle leaves scraping the ground as the wind pushes them in all directions. My fear is that I will not be able to remember them all or that I will not be able to put enough words with any one thought to actually create a story.
My hope is that just as the wind eventually piles those leaves on the steps outside my front door my mind will somehow find a place to pile all of these thoughts and ideas together.
I pray that I will then be able to pull them together into something that someone will want to read.
Happy reading
Dawnda
(Dawnda’s dream was to get some piece of writing published in 2009. She left the 8 Women Dream group in 2009 to focus on finding full-time employment. We consider her an accomplished dreamer as she published her thoughts here and began her own scary stories blog at www.killeryarns.com)
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