The dream I have of becoming a top photographer is hardly a physical goal – it’s more of an emotional accomplishment, which will invest my confidence towards bigger goals as I move forward.
Last week, the flu hit me, and hit me hard. Usually I don’t think much about it because, I don’t get sick often. If I feel a bit off, I can sit in bed or on the couch and keep going – it hardly gets in the way.
But this one got me and it took me down fast. The physical symptoms on their own, not too horrible – Queasy stomach and head ache were the worst. But then, fatigue.
I’ve never been so tired. For 4 days straight, it was keeping me down, forcing me to rest, sleep, drink a little tea and keep resting. I’ve never had this type of illness before.
I usually push through it – I usually still get things done – Not this time.
It forced me to surrender, which is something that doesn’t come easy for me. Just let the illness run its course, not knowing when it would be over, what would happen next. I didn’t do anything. Well, I take that back. I tried to do things like laundry, and my body quickly let me know that I was WRONG for trying.
So I just had to be.
Alone with my thoughts, ideas, dreams and fears – yeah, funny how they all show up when the guard is down. I would have tiny little panic attacks while lying there in bed . . . feeling like I was falling farther and farther behind.
And in my forced recess, even though I knew better, I decided to look at emails . . . not to work - just to review. What is the difference?
Nothing really.
But there it was. I received an email from a fellow local photographer who’s putting together an art show for amateurs in April of 2010 – and would I want to participate? This could be a big deal towards my own showing. This may even be bigger than a gallery showing, actually – but I wont get ahead of myself. The thought of deciding on, printing, framing and pricing acceptable images for an entire booth for other people to look at simply overwhelms me emotionally, and that has physical impact.
So, I let it go and will save it until I’m stronger. But I am smiling.
The clear point to me was, even when I felt like I was useless and not making progress, action was happening around me, based on all the stuff I’ve been putting in place. All the dreams I’ve been focused on. All the support I’m harnessing. All the choices I’ve made that are carving my path.
Even though I wasn’t busy doing, and I was allowing my body to rest, I was still making progress. It was a new “a-ha” for me and I just wanted to share.
Have you ever surrendered into something and had it turn into something better after you stopped fighting it? Let me know your stories. I’d love to read them.
In the meantime – stay well, my friends – and be sure to surrender when it’s necessary.
Rem
Remy’s dream is creating opportunities for photography showings and public displays of her work and to ultimately be recognized nationally as a respected photographer . . . then the world. Remy is CEO of Cornerstone Creative, a business consulting practice in Northern California. Remy’s post day is Wednesday. +Remy Gervais
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