Moving from the farm and moving into my first retail space (eva!) and am rebranding and starting a retail store alongside my artwork. Oh, and I’m trying to brush up on my jewelry making abilities and become a metalsmith.
During the Murphy’s Law week of moving, I caught a cold and the Lyme flared badly. I’m normally in pain, but massive amounts of pain killers were required to function.
When my friend Angela tried to compliment me on handling it all well, I demurred. (Inwardly I panicked that if anyone could hear the voices of Things Yet To Do in my head, they’d have nightmares.) I don’t FEEL like I’ve been handling it all very well.
I said, “It’s like God heard me praying for the life I dreamed of and said, ‘Here it is, everything you’ve EVER wanted!’ quickly followed by, ‘Now follow through and show me you want it.’ And I’m working like crazy to KEEP it all.”
A few days before our first photo shoot in the new space – I’m not going to lie – I got stressed out. My three close friends saw me through my meltdown day. I cried. I feared. I shoulda-coulda-woulda’d myself. I worried I’m-not-strong-enough-to-do-this.
MaryLee let me vent for a bit but when it was clear that nothing anyone said would alleviate the stress in my head, she did what any great friend would do. She threatened to duct tape my mouth shut if nothing good would come out. Several times.
Eventually, the day of fear gave way to excitement as we set the studio up. If I hadn’t had their help and patience, I’m sure I would have gone home and pulled the covers over my head effectively accomplishing diddly.
That day of love from my friends helped reset me. I hadn’t known what to do next. I kept looking around the space at all the unopened boxes.
There’s a Muslim saying:
When you’re out of ideas, that’s when faith comes in. – Wael Abdelgawad
But I can finally put into words the underlying fears that cause me to stress: What if I don’t deserve this life? What if I can’t keep it? What if the Lyme flares and I have to go back on bed rest? How will I keep this life that I’ve longed for?
And the answer comes back to the core aspect of the dream life. I have to enjoy this moment. I have to give myself credit for getting this far. And from here I take baby steps that I can see in front of me.
Dreaming on faith means you have to keep going. Even if you can’t see HOW you will there. Even if it’s a crazy fairy tale. Even if it’s everything you’ve ever wanted right at your fingertips.
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. –Psalm 37:4
I was praying daily but it fell away when life got crazy. I need to get back to that. Praying, singing, being with family and friends is what keeps me grounded.
In keeping with trying to enjoy this moment, I’m counting my blessings. Because each one is a dream come true. I have a love I never dreamed of. A family that fills my heart to the brim. Friends that lift me up and have faith in me when my own faith falters.
If your dream faith is shaken here are a few ideas:
– What’s the next baby step you can take towards your goal?
It’s great to look at the bigger picture, but that’s like watching water boil – you don’t feel like you’re making progress. So try to find a small way to inch forward.
– Stay grounded.
Sing, dance, pray, ladies night, exercise. Whatever it is that refills your tank.
– Hold tight to WHY this is your dream.
I have photos of my son on my phone. I can’t help but smile when I see his face. I have testimonials from clients that remind me WHY I’m doing this.
Give us your thoughts!