Top Blog Dream: Get Rid of Personal Resistance Once and For All

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Catherine Hughes

Director of the 8 Women Dream Project at 8 Women Dream
Catherine’s dream is to make 8 Women Dream the premier online publication for women looking to pursue their dreams. She is a published author, a freelance writer, and a guide for those who want their dreams to come true online. Catherine would someday like to be invited to speak at TED about her observations about her 8WD project inviting women to take a chance on their dreams. Wine was required... Catherine posts on Sunday evenings and fills in dream stories as needed. If you aren't sure how to comment on this story, click here.

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Get Rid of Personal Resistance Once and For All: Lewis quotes on resistance

In case you haven’t noticed, the 8 Women Dream website is undergoing a face lift and the face lift requires web coding design time.

That is, design time by me.

And I’ve suddenly discovered that I hate “design time.”

This new revelation popped up on my conscious radar when making the switch from Woo Themes to working with Studio Press for the first time. I am a big fan of WordPress for writers (and creatives) and I have made a living updating websites for businesses. But when I recently sat down to fix, code and learn a new theme to showcase 8 Women Dream — all my personal resistance triggers went off like a Tsunami alert siren after an earthquake.

I quickly noticed how frustrated, even angry I’d get over the required changes to code and being forced to search for answers when things weren’t going as planned.  I’d find myself quietly screaming, “I hate doing this!”

Then I’d observe myself feeling this way. OK. Some of you who follow my rantings on Facebook probably observed “my feelings” too the night I first felt the changes weren’t going as smoothly as I’d hoped.

Yes, I know! I should be making changes on a test site, except I have no patience (I am a redhead and part Irish) and I believe that you should Just. Launch. Now.  Because if you wait for everything to be perfect you will never launch. Launching makes you scramble to fix what’s not working and keep your commitments.

Launching can make your dreams come true.

Besides launching as soon as possible, I’ve also learned that you should observe and question your negative thinking whenever it walks up to you and slaps you across the face. Negative thoughts are meant to test your resolve.  It’s resistance showing up just before change to teach you that’s it’s time to face the music and move on.

You can’t get stuck here.

I like the advice that best-selling authors Byron Katie and Phil McGraw offer when you are facing negative resistance: ask yourself 4 questions.

Byron Katie’s 4 questions:

1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)

3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

4. Who would you be without the thought? … or …

Phil McGaw’s 4 questions:

1. Is it a true fact?

2. Does holding onto the thought or attitude serve your best interest?

3. Are your thoughts and attitudes advancing and protecting your health?

4. Do your thoughts and beliefs get you what you want?

What I realized about my web design resistance is that I am holding on to the negative belief that I don’t know as much coding as other, better, more brilliant web designers out there (just one look at the Webbies websites make me want to pull my nose hairs out one at a time and cry) and therefore I am convinced that I am faking it.

Faker.  Faker.

Ask me about placing content on a web page and I will tell you that few people get it like I do. I am the master of how content should visually live on a page.  It’s in the creating of the look and feel of the site that I don’t have the patience to sit through. It doesn’t feed my soul like writing, creating and placing content does.

Which comes to no surprise to anyone who knows me because I am forever organizing and moving furniture around my home.  I am always thinking “that can be placed in a better place.”  I loose all track of time when I am arranging.

I can sit for hours and work on content creation. But have me design a site from scratch and I’ll find a million reasons to get up from my chair.

I realized that in order to get past my personal resistance to web design I only had two choices:

1. Become a better web designer so I don’t feel insecure about web design.

2. Pay someone brilliant to do the design.


As soon as I allowed myself to acknowledge that the design coding component was sucking the life out of me and recognized that content creation feeds my soul, I began to look around for someone who has the expertise to help me finish the home page design.

Just this week, a web designer I work with looked at the 8WomenDream home page and offered his advice.  It suddenly dawned on me that I could hire him.  It would only take a few hours to finish.  My answer was literally sitting right next to me.

But I wouldn’t have seen a solution if I didn’t allow myself to admit that I was experiencing negative resistance instead of moving forward with change.

I was also behaving like an amateur instead of acting like a professional. One of the biggest obstacles to overcome in dream achievement is stop treating your dream as if it’s a hobby to fiddle with when you are bored on the weekends. Real dream success requires that you treat your dream as you would a beloved career.  An amateur treats a big dream like it’s personal entertainment; a professional treats a big dream as if it is a job they must show up for every day.

On. Time.

It’s easier said than done, but what other choice do you have?

Nothing is going to change unless you face your personal resistance when it appears and move past it.  Otherwise you’ll just be another one of those people who quits when it gets too hard.

And I refuse to live with that regret.  Been there.  Done that.


Thoughts by author and historian, Steven Pressfield – The War of Art