When Your Dreams Come True: Moving On After Divorce


When Your Dreams Come True: Moving On After Divorce Picture Quote

When your dreams come true, it’s sometimes hard to believe.

This is personal blog about divorce with a photograph included. It’s for parents everywhere who want to navigate divorce and co-parenting in an amicable way.

I’m divorced.

When you marry, you never imagine hearing the words “you’re divorced,” would be when your dreams come true, but to finally have jumped through the last hoop feels pretty good.

My dream of a lifetime together shifted to a dream of being divorced but able to co-parent in a healthy way for The Bub’s benefit.

Many couples are not able to communicate or compromise. I know from my circle of friends that I’m very lucky to be where I am. While my divorce felt like it took forever, it’s been shorter than many others. But my hopes and prayers were that we could someday be friends who shared a child.

My own parents struggled with communicating after their divorce and to this day have barely spoken. The burden of being a child who coordinated visits has stuck with me and was one of the reasons I waited so long to finally end the marriage. I didn’t want my child to think that mommy and daddy hated each other or feel he was responsible for our breakup in any way.

So while the divorce itself was nowhere near friendly or amicable, I’m proud and shocked to say that we’re both trying exceptionally hard to be actual friends.

We share a child. We shared our lives with each other for nearly 13 years. We were friends.

As awkward as this new situation is, I can see that The Bub is over the moon. And what’s best for him is the new dream. Since deciding to have a child, my own needs come second. During and after a divorce is no different.

But something funny happens when your dreams come true.

You push it away. It seems too good to be true and you don’t want to believe in it only to have it taken away. I understand it’s not going to be easy and there will be times we struggle to communicate. I just hope we can nurture goodwill for each other and continue to put The Bub first.

When I met my ex-husband, I was struck by the feeling that I wanted to watch him laugh for the rest of my life. That was my dream for many years. Since the divorce became final, I’ve been trying hard to make things amicable and communicate well.

“Process is nothing; erase your tracks. The path is not the work. I hope your tracks have grown over; I hope birds ate the crumbs; I hope you will toss it all and not look back.” –Annie Dillard

I want our tracks and miss-steps to grow over and be replaced by a new life where we are all happy, just in different homes. I dream that we’ll be able to do blended family dinners and I will still get to see him laugh.

To make the new dream possible, I spent this past Father’s Day in a very weird predicament. I invited my ex-husband over for dinner to spend time with The Bub and learn all the parenting routines. I also offered to take pictures of them together as a Father’s Day gift.

We’ve both commented about a million times that this is weird, but in a good way. We hope we can keep it up. I want The Bub to know that his parents respect each other and that our love for him comes before EVERYTHING. When your dreams change then finally come true you may not believe it… But try.

when your dreams come true

when your dreams come true

Wish us luck.

Iman

The following two tabs change content below.
Iman is a photographer who, through her unique process of coaching and photography, can show a woman what other people see when they look at her. She is passionate about teaching other photographers how to live and be a professional and making change in the world. She dreams of changing the way women look at their bodies and how the world defines beauty. She also thinks being an instructor on CreativeLIVE would be incredible. Iman battles Lyme disease and shares her unique view of dreaming while fighting for her health. Her post day is Wednesday. info@imanwoods.com Iman Woods If you aren't sure how to comment on this story, click here.

Latest posts by Iman Woods, Therapeutic Photos for Women (see all)

When Your Dreams Come True: Moving On After Divorce by The 8 Women Dream Project, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

  • Pingback: Photographer Dreams of Surviving Burnout - 8 Women Dream()

  • http://www.8womendream.com/ Heather Montgomery

    No luck needed girl! I am so glad you are having a co-parenting experience. It might be weird, in a good way, but it’s cool you can actually communicate that with each other at this point. It sounds wrong to congratulate someone on a divorce, but with love I offer you long-distance hugs!

    • ImanWoods

      I think congratulations are perfect acceptable in this case! We’re all HAPPY about this, so it’s appropriate. We’re hoping to live in the same school district so it’s easy to split time and The Bub stays at his school. Hugs back at ya! I’m very proud of us. I know it’s been hard to get here and there will hard times in the future, but I think we can do this.

  • kellyswanson1

    It’s not about luck. It’s about courage. And you have it. A mother’s love. And you have it. Good days and bad days. And you’ll have them. Hanging on to friends. And you’ve got some. And the belief that there will be a happier ever after. Because there will be.

    • ImanWoods

      Thank you Kelly. I can’t wait to get to NC and finally hug you in person!

  • Kelly Harbadin-Hogben

    I just separated from my husband after years of contemplating divorce and the effects it would have on my daughter, my parents, my grandparents, my husband and his family. It has been the most difficult decision I can recall making in my life. This touches me in so many ways, I want more than anything for him and I to see past our indifferences, so that we can raise a happy, well balanced child, who feels loved and secure. She is my world and has been since the day I knew I was pregnant.

    I admire you in so many ways for finding the courage to make a very private, difficult situation very open and public- as it helps for people like me to see that I am not alone in my dreams. Thank you, Iman.

    • ImanWoods

      Thank you Kelly. I am sorry you’ve come to this decision and hopeful for you for the future. Lean on your extended family and friends during the transition. Plan lots of play dates. Keeping your little one occupied will help keep you level.

      Hoping and praying this can be something you move past and all be happier for it, eventually. As unbelievable as it sounds, it does get better.