Do You Avoid Your Dream Like Me?

I take on way too many things –

– Tiger Cub “Den Mother”

– Rose Parade float (signed up for another 3 years as Deco Chair)

– Volunteering in my son’s 1st grade classroom

– Insist on making homemade cookies for any potluck thing rather than buying cookies or something else.

– Plus there’s our 3 horses, giant garden (think I’ll plant a winter veggie garden for the first time this year), all the other animals and all the “farm chores” as well as the normal life, house, kid stuff.

– And I work part-time as an attorney.

Then, the other day, I hear the school is looking for a new person to chair the annual dinner / dance / auction fundraiser.  Its the school’s biggest fundraiser – earning about $40,000 last year.

My hand shot up, “Me! Me! Pick Me!!” I got the phone number of the current chair, then called her and volunteered.

When I informed my husband he looked at me like I was out of my mind and said, “Oh no.  Please don’t”.

riding weatherNo wonder my dream gets lost.

What’s my dream again??

Oh yeah, to become an accomplished equestrian.

Why do I take all these things on?

My first response is normally that I volunteer because:

A) I think I can do most things (other than ride) better than most people.  I.e., I know I can organize that dinner dance and I can fix all the things people complained about last year.

B)  I want things done my way.  i.e., That’s how I became Tiger Cub Den Mother – I wanted control over the group.

But, as I was lunging my horse Nikki this morning, I began to wonder if I do all this other stuff to avoid riding.  Hmmm . . . now that’s something to ponder.

Nikki scares me.  He’s so big.  One little spook sideways takes us nearly all the way across my arena.  A little hop seems like a huge buck.  I don’t really want to get hurt.  I avoid that fear by not riding.  But, I also avoid this conversation with myself:  “Hey, what the heck?  You didn’t used to be scared of riding, scared of horses.

So what the heck happened?  Who are you now?  And why can’t you get over this??  What happened to sending fear out for some pistachios??

Yep, no riding, no conversation, no wondering about the person I am now and how I got here.  Whew, that’s much easier.  And I’m good at all that other stuff.  I’m struggling with riding.  And really, who wants to struggle when they don’t have to?

Nikki was awful the other day.  100% awful.  A bucking, kicking, rearing, mean, nightmare.  I had a long talk with my trainer.  It came down to the fact that I need to get Nikki out more.  I know that.  Easier said than done.

Especially when I have so much else to do!

Are you avoiding your dream?

Danelle

(Danelle left 8 Women Dream in March of 2010 and is still working  on her dream is to become an accomplished equestrian)

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  • Remy

    Danelle, thank you for this! I seem to have lots of time to do things that get in the way of doing what I really want to do as well…even tho mine isn’t a horse, (i love horses tho) I understand you completely. I will post the question “am I avoiding my dream” on a post-it in the office – and let ya know what happens. Remy

  • Catherine, Site Admin

    Prior to becoming a mom, I loved air planes and flying, so much so that I dated a stunt pilot so I could fly with him in his citabria. I’ve worn parachutes and done barrel rolls over the Geysers.

    But I noticed something when Brian was 2 years old and I had to travel for work. Suddenly I was uncomfortable taking off and landing and I wanted to sleep through the flight, something that just never happened to me before.

    The being a parent – I adore my son – responsibility thing hit me and I wasn’t comfortable with perceived risks anymore. I didn’t even like riding on motorcycles – something I always loved.

    I had to work through it by continuing to fly and riding with someone I trusted. It helped. I’ve always thought it was because I am a single mom and I have always carried the greater responsibility in raising my son.

    But maybe it isn’t. Maybe it is the parent part of us that is trying to keep us safe for our children.