Have You Lost Your Identity?

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Do you want it back?

I am living my greatest dream. Giving my children the best childhood I know how. One that I had as a kid. I am the most confident as a mother. They are my passion.

But is that enough? Is it OK just to be known as a good mother? Is all your focus on the kids healthy? Even though you’re a mother for life, your daily job is temporary. What happens when they leave the nest?

I try not to think about that! But I must. And I have, slowly. I went back to school. Got a job. That’s about it as far as doing something just for me, until 8 Women Dream came into my life. Then I had to think about it even more.

I’m realizing that even my dreams I picked haven’t been just for me. They still involve my children. It’s very hard to separate my greatest dream of all, (my kids) to something that just involves me. But what happened to my hobbies, my little enjoyments…me? I’ve been thinking of who I was before kids and what I liked to do. I seem to come back to the same thing. Playing piano.

IMG_2164So I am now changing my focus to a new dream. I still want the family to go to Japan within two years. I still have to take my younger daughter to New York. (She’ll never let me forget it if I don’t, and besides I love New York and can’t wait to go back) I still have to focus on a healthy lifestyle which has gone down the tubes this summer. And I have to work on my career. But I have a baby grand that has been sitting in my house for a few years being neglected. Music was my thing in high school. I need to bring it back.

The first job is to get it tuned.

Till next week,


kim_50x50(Kim has already accomplished her first big dream by traveling to New York with her teenage daughter June of 2009. She lost 20 pounds and overcame her intense dislike (do we say fear?) of flying to accomplish that dream. She rotated off the blog in February 2010, but still hangs out with 8 Women Dream.  You can find her in the comments section)

  • Colleen

    OOh I can SO relate to this post ! I became a mother very young at 19 and the determination to be the type of mother I had never experienced, and to prove the doubters wrong, became my passion. I loved my mummy role. And I still do ! But I ignored the loss of the creation of my non-mummy identity time and time again. It has taken until me 30’s to find it and at times I still struggle with the “E” personality…being everything to everyone. I have no regrets, but am glad to now be honouring myself better. And I have learnt I’m such a better role model to my daughters as a consequence.

    Thanks for your thoughtful post !

    Best wishes,


  • Danelle, the equestrian

    That’s wonderful!! I think its great that you came across something just for you. And, I think that pursuing something that you love and is just for you sends a good message to your girls as well. It will teach them that, as they get involved in their “grown-up lives” with relationships and eventually a family, its important not to lose themselves and the things they love.

  • Catherine

    Oh I can soooooo relate. There is no way I can go back to dance on point though… My girlfriend Laurie emailed me that she is doing NIA classes M – W – F evenings at 5:30 – you can’t get more of an invitation to dance then that and I can think of a 1000 reasons why it won’t work rather than focusing on how I can make it work.
    I am happy for you that your search has brought you to the piano – this is what the process is all about. We become more brave as the weeks pass. Congratulations on this new dream – you look pretty sitting at your piano.