How to Not Make a Decision

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I really feel like my dream of becoming an accomplished equestrian is at a standstill.  As I mentioned before, progress with Nikki has been negligible to nil.  So now I feel like I’m faced with the question of whether or not Nikki is really the right horse for me.  That’s a hard decision and here are some ways to not make it (or any other decision):

1.  Think about it a lot but not in any focused manner.  This will lead to #2:

2.  Become  caught up and upset about the decision itself.   In other words, worry about simply making the decision and / or the need to make the decision rather than wasting any brain space on actually figuring out the problem.

3.  Do not think up any concrete steps that would help move you towards an answer.

4.  Do not set any goals or time lines for making the decision.

5.  Ignore it!!  Hope that the problem will either simply go away or magically resolve on its own.  “Good, Problem!”

6.  Hide from the problem and resulting decision that needs to be made.  Think to yourself, “I’m way too busy to deal with that right now.”  That way, the problem will just get worse and the decision-making become harder.  Or, if the problem gets worse, does that make the decision easier?  Hmmmm . . .

7.  Blame yourself for the problem which resulted in a decision needing to be made.  That way, your confidence in your ability to make a good decision will steadily decrease.

8.  When thinking about solutions (possible decisions), place faith in solutions that have not worked before.  Think, “Well, it might work this time, if only I tried a bit harder.”  This goes well with #7 above.

Ahhh . . . I’ve been engaging in all of these.  My kids got wind of the fact that I’m thinking about selling Nikki.  They think its a very, very bad idea.  I don’t know what to think.

Does anyone have any good decision-making tips?  Have you ever been faced with a decision that has sort of big consequences?  (O.k., so in my life, selling a horse and buying a new one carry “big” consequences in my mind at least.  May not seem like a big deal to others out there.)  How did you come to a decision?  What was the outcome?


(Danelle left 8 Women Dream in March of 2010 and is still working  on her dream is to become an accomplished equestrian)

  • Kim, the traveler

    Decisions are so hard to make. You always wonder if you’re doing the right thing. But my mother always told me, “It always works out in the end.”

  • Danelle, the equestrian

    Kim – I’m so glad you found us! And I’m so glad you began to take riding lessons! No way is 40 “too old” to learn. That’s one of the things I love about riding – many of the people who compete at even the highest levels are older. Its not like gymnastics where you’re done at 20. Thanks for following along! Let me know how the lessons are coming along.

    Catherine and Dawnda – Thanks for the suggestions on how to make the keep or sell decision. At the moment, I’m leaning towards keep.

  • Dawnda, the horror writer

    I do the same thing that Catherine does. The dream is yours and you have to be the one to decide if Nikki is the right horse for you. However, in your case I suggest asking your husband to make a list as well. I suggest having that second list for two reasons;

    1. A different perspective. Things that you may see as huge issues, such as the time and expense to sell and buy a horse, may be seen as relatively inconsequential on his list compared say to your saftey.

    2. Your kids are very young and I think it will be easier on you to talk to them if you can say mommy and daddy decided…

  • Kim

    Danelle – I found your blog when I was searching around the web trying to figure out if I was too old to learn to ride huntseat. I’m 40 and just started riding horses this past March – I’m in a saddleseat equitation barn, but feel more drawn to what I, in my ignorance, call “hunter style” (riding in the fields, and with some small jumps). As I read your posts I was initally amused by some of our similarities (I’m an attorney and have a black Lab, too), but also sympathetic (I’m also a good “starter” but not a good “finisher”). Anyway, thank you for your posts – I will definitely keep following along!
    North Carolina

  • Catherine

    I always put a T on a piece of paper then argue the reasons for something on the left of the T and then against on the right of the T; set it all aside and then come back to it later when I am not emotional and see which side has more reasons.
    Getting rid of an animal is never an easy decision, even if it is the right one. They become part of the family and it is hard to fathom if the replacement will be better suited. I don’t envy you this decision.
    You are a brilliant women with a lot of strength so I think you will make the right decision.
    You guys are kicking my butt here with these great posts!