Positive Thursday: Being Reliant on Others

Positive Thursday: Being Reliant on Others

I grew up in a culture where it has been encouraged to “do it yourself” and “work hard to get somewhere.”

Personal growth and success have been pushed on my generation and we’ve been bred to understand that we have to do this ourselves.

Well, no offense to pop culture and mainstream media, I disagree.

While I will be the first person to tell you that hard work and diligence is key, I am also the first to say that it is okay to rely on others.

Note: this does not mean you should sit at home and wait for someone else to do something for you nor does this mean that you should allow other people to care about your dream and passion more than you do.

This means that actually a brilliant and wonderful realization when you come to terms with the fact that YOU WOULD NOT BE WHERE YOU ARE WITHOUT THE HELP AND SUPPORT OF OTHER PEOPLE.

I’ve been taught in eighteen years of schooling and through different work and social environments that it’s vital to be dependent on myself.

And yes, it is.

I’m not disagreeing with this idea but there’s a fine line here, dreamers. We live in a world where it’s easy to surround ourselves in an illusion of self-sufficiency. In reality, our lives are so intricately tied to others.

Our “success” and “happiness” completely correlates on acknowledging that we need other people.

I’m looking back on the past six months of my life. I’m sitting in my room and realizing that I came into this city with three suitcases and now I live in a fully furnished apartment. Did I do this all myself? Nope. A lovely girl sold me most of her furniture, my friend let me borrow her car to drive to purchase more items, my parents flew in and helped me decorate and revamp my place, I’ve been given wall decorations, a table, a blender and so much more as a gift from another friend.

It’s not just about my apartment though.

I moved here and didn’t know a single person or have any first-hand experience on the West Coast, in the “working world” post-grad or living 3000+ miles away from every single piece of safety and security I’ve known. I would have never had the confidence to make this big life leap without the support and encouragement of my family and friends.

I would have never felt so comfortable and ready to face this brand new place without 8 Women Dream’s Rayne opening her home and life to me and welcoming me to California with open arms. I would have never been able to physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually cope without God’s grace and unconditional love.

If I really look back, every single situation of every single stage of life has been closely related to other people and what they have given me – both tangibly and intangibly and what they’ve done for me.

Robert A. Emmons’ book “Thanks!” reads: “I realized my interdependence with others and that I couldn’t and hadn’t lived my life on my own. It made me less egocentric. It was easier to say to myself I didn’t need to do everything for myself……[this women] teaches us that interdependence is not the same as dependence, but rather a glad sense that reliance on other nourishes a heartfelt gratefulness.” (page 131)

The author continues, “Dependence is akin to trust where reliance is embraced and it expands, rather than diminishes the self.” Wow. Reread that! I am reliant on people and situations outside of myself to help me continue learning, growing, evolving and ultimately, succeeding.

If you learn one thing from this post, I want it to be this: Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t fall into the trap believing that “you have to do it all yourself” because… you can’t.

I’m not saying this in an negative way , and truly, let me reiterate that it is vital to be self-motivating and hard working. BUT, it’s also okay to ask for help. It’s okay to admit that other people contribute to who you are and what you’re doing.

And it’s better than okay, it’s wonderfully, gloriously, beautiful!

I’m so thankful for the people who have made my life so much better, so much happier and so much sweeter. So the next time someone praises me or tells me “YOU DID IT!” I’m going to consciously remember that so much of the beauty of life comes from pulling in from others’ influence, power and support.

Pulling in from their love.

8 Women Dream is a perfect example. I am able to contribute with seven other women and share MY story. Yet, I’m not sharing alone. I’m sharing because of the love, support and encouragement I’ve gotten from these ladies (and my readers!) So thank you, for contributing to me.

Until next positive Thursday,

Andi

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  • ahtesham akhtar

    One thing I learned while teaching in China was how to ask for help and to rely on and trust other people. I had been way too independent before, but over there I had no choice but to ask other people to help me through the tough spots. I was quite helpless in quite a few areas and it was good to learn that most people really do like to lend a hand. I don’t have to depend on just myself after all. I used to believe that other people wouldn’t help or that there was some shame in not being totally self-reliant and having to ask for help. It was very freeing to find out that wasn’t true after all. Kind of took off the pressure. Really enjoy your articles. Have a good day!

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  • Oh Andi! And I JUST applied my mascara! This is so beautiful, I loved reading it:) I am sharing it with my little daughter in a few moments.

    Rayne helped me as well, she gave me words and terms that have lead to understanding and coping with what was becoming a “Life”- threatening disease. Ultimately, with Rayne’s help and encouragement, a portion of my life that was a very ugly and unmanagable personal prison for me, has transformed into the single most liberating experience of my life.

    If not for Rayne, I believe the fear and confusion would have eaten me alive and stopped my Dream Life from becoming my reality.

    I am so grateful to Rayne and Catherine (she hooked us up) for their help, and yes, to God for the grace in it all.

    Thank you for this post:)

    Shellie

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  • I think people help you Andi because you are a lovely person and you attract into your life who you are. Rayne was 100 percent into having you be a part of 8 Women Dream from the first moment she read your work. Rayne has been, and continues to be a wonderful champion to me. I will be forever grateful for all that she’s taught me.

    We are lucky to have you as part of this dreaming group, leading the way with your positive attitude.

    Cath