It’s been an amazing 2 years for me with 8 Women Dream. At the time I started in 2009, my dreams were absolutely clear.
I wanted to–
- Make a career taking photographs of everything
- Hang my images in various galleries
- Write coffee table books and create calendars of my best work and sell them everywhere
- Be invited to speak at world wide conferences and lead photography field workshops
In short, I wanted to do whatever it took to become “renowned.”
Easy, right? Well, I am standing here 2 years in to this journey and I can tell you – what I want now looks nothing like that anymore.
The changes started about a year into blogging about my dreams with what I’ll call my conscious indifference – I didn’t seem to care much about my dreams at all. Too tired, too busy, too whatever. Other things started to matter more, and that was weird.
Compared to all other areas of my life (work, love life, education, parenting), photography had always been the one solid part of myself. I never had to second guess it or question my passion for it – it was just a part of me.
Then, without valid reason or public fanfare, impostor syndrome set in and it held on tight.
It felt like no matter what I did, I was failing all over the place. I would set these amazing goals and then come up short. I quickly found out that it was really hard and time consuming and expensive – all of the excuses / reasons I would have for not making gallery shows and cool books happen.
Even more tragic, I started to feel disconnected from photography – a love that has inspired a passion in me since the second grade.
And for a while there, I got really scared.
I also thought a lot about what photography gave me; how it fed my soul and why that was important; how much I’ve learned and what I’ve been able to accomplish because of that love for it.
How could that just go away?
No matter how I tried to force it, I never got there – until I realized that what I had to do was to sit in the unknown for a while, in a little fear and wonder – and have a belief that the answers would start to show themselves eventually.
My photography dreams were not as they had seemed.
I dug a little deeper and stretched a few comfort zones. I talked myself out of being what others thought I should be and I listened to my heart.
And here is what I found out: it’s not about me.
I love taking pictures and I know I always will – but my real passion is to help photographers explore their own photography dreams. Create space for people to try and fail and learn so that they can carve their own dream path with photography.
I want to mentor, create, challenge, support — whatever it takes to make it happen for them.
And that’s part of my photography dream that I can live with.
Until next photo,