Last week was Summer Solstice, or the longest day of the year, and the days here in New York right now are indeed long and langurous, sunny and green, breezy and dreamy. Summer is so pleasant when you live along the Hudson River in upstate New York!
It is midsummer, and the living is easy ~ Saturday mornings at the outdoor Farmers’ Market on the river, breezy evenings spent enjoying dinner by candlelight on my best friend’s back deck!
Yet “midsummer” also means that half of 2011 has magically evaporated.
I set a lot of goals for 2011. Midsummer feels like the perfect time to check in on again on how I am doing on those goals, and to regroup and make sure I have an inspiring vision for the rest of 2011.
Mid-Way Check In
The verdict? I am on-track with some, off-track with others, and reevaluating whether the goals I set at the beginning of the year still feel meaningful to me. An article I recently read online by Bronnie Ware, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying,” (excerpted below) inspired me to re-examine my goals and where I am putting my energy.
The goal on which I have made the most progress, which I am most proud of, is creating my successful life coaching business. This year I took on my first coaching client at market rates (my other, first few clients were at highly discounted rates, just to help me build my confidence to do this work!).
I am launching a group coaching call for women this Wednesday evening, and already have more than 15 women signed up (I was aiming for at least 12). I am currently in a life coaching training program with Martha Beck, who is one of my heroes and mentors.
I have created a clear vision for the future of my successful coaching business, including bringing in six figures in 2012, coaching 12 individual clients, leading three group coaching programs a year via phone, and teaching a dozen live workshops or retreats a year, as well as one longer retreat for “Goddesses” in a remote, exotic location.
I am not where I want to be yet with some of my other goals, but I remain optimistic that I will make more progress in 2011. I set a goal to pay off all my credit cards, for example, and instead put more debt on the cards for my life coaching training program. I’m confident I will make that money back, but I definitely need to be more mindful in general about how I’m managing my money.
I have completing been procrastinating on revising my book manuscript, and that clearly needs attention! I’m updating my goals and timelines for that so I can have a polished manuscript completed by the end of the year, as intended.
I also set the goal to be back at my high school weight of 125 pounds, and I’m close to that, but don’t seem to be able to easily drop the last few pounds even though I exercise a lot and am eating healthy. Do I really care enough about a number on the scale to actively diet, if I feel feel healthy and fit? Is it worth making myself crazy over a few pounds?
I’m reevaluating all my goals now to be sure they are still meaningful to me.
Are Our Goals Really Meaningful?
As I pondered and evaluated my progress on my goals for 2011, I felt blessed to run across an article that a friend shared on Facebook which helped me to put things back in perspective.
I think when we are setting goals it’s important to be sure they really serve us, and help us to actualize on the dreams that matter most to us, so we aren’t focusing our energies in a way that we will later regret.
The article, called “Top Five Regrets of the Dying,” was written by a woman, Bronnie Ware, who worked in palliative care for many years. In hospice work, many patients return home to die. Bronnie spent time with them and learned about their lives, hopes, fears, dreams and regrets. She said that the following were the top five regrets of her patients (the article is excerpted, below):
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
And It’s a Home Run…
This article really hit home for me. BE who you want to be. Follow your heart’s desires and dreams. Don’t work too hard. Choose to be happy. Express your feelings.
It made me realize as well that my big goal for 2010, and one of my goals for 2011, finishing the book, is still a very important goal for me. Yet it’s the one I’ve been procrastinating on the most, because it has no immediate deadline, and often still feels daunting to me (you try editing a 476-page manuscript that is your own life story! Eek!).
But one of the top regrets that people have on their deathbed is not following their dreams. And writing this book has been a dream of mine for a lifetime, really. I have always wanted to write books.
No time like the present to push forward, get this done, and live that dream now finally!
Putting It Out There In The Eyes of the Public (Gulp!)
Wish me luck! I’m going to regroup and reset my goals for the manuscript so I can get it done this year.
For starters, I am taking advantage of an amazing opportunity that came my way, and allowing my manuscript to be critiqued by a graduate school class. This terrifies me ~ allowing a whole classroom to dissect it! – but some of the students work at publishing houses, and may have great feedback that will help me polish the book and get it published.
It’s a free chance to get my book critiqued! So I have to be brave and make the leap and just do it!
How are you doing on the primary goals you set for 2011? Are you pursuing your dreams?
Are you choosing happiness in your life?
Check in with yourself this week. 2011 is halfway over. How are you doing on living your dreams?
Lisa
Lisa is a freelance writer, consultant and life coach. She has her BA in English and Creative Writing from Princeton and her MPA from Harvard. Lisa recently finished the first draft of her book manuscript, Burning Down the House. She is also a lindy hopper, belly dancer and globe-trotter. Her post day is Tuesday.
Lisa is a freelance writer, consultant and life coach. She has her BA in English and Creative Writing from Princeton and her MPA from Harvard. Lisa recently finished the first draft of her book manuscript, Burning Down the House. Her dream is to publish this first book and teach the world how to successfully go after their dreams. She is also a lindy hopper, belly dancer and globe-trotter. Her post day is Tuesday. +Lisa Powell Graham lisa.powell.graham@gmail.com Lisa Powell Graham
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