Double The Agony Double The Ecstasy

I received another rejection letter.

So instead of crying silently, I am kvetching (Yiddish for complaining) to the world.  It is the third event this year I applied to and have been rejected from.

I keep hoping this process gets easier but so far is has not.  It is painful in more than one way. It is painful because every time I apply to one of these shows it takes time to complete their applications, time to make select images, make discs and money for the jury fee.

Money I do not have.

I do not mind only owning two pairs of shoes or only getting my hair cut twice a year, but to be rejected and pay for it is frustrating.  This frustration is followed by a loud “WHOSHHHHH” as my confidence deflates.

The effects of last year’s marriage crises has made me more vulnerable.  I physically feel like I aged ten years in one.  Somehow this feeling of rejection gets all wrapped up in all my other emotional shortcomings.  If I throw in some thoughts about the deflating economy, I can almost go comatose.

So here I am at 38 wanting to be an international artist.  Am I insane?

At this moment I find myself thinking about the book “Agony and the Ecstasy“.  I realize I have it a little easier then Michelangelo, who physically went to the quarries and cut out the marble in order to create.  I know for all the agony I might feel at this moment, it does not compare to the ecstasy of a glorious painting day.

Storms always pass.

Wendy

(Wendy’s dream is still to become a influential international artist, but she left 8 Women Dream in March of 2010 to complete grad school.  She is still a strong supporter of 8 Women Dream and you will see her in the comments on the blog.)

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  • Your blog pulled me right in and I started reading (even though I have no time now!) and I particularly resonate with the old paying for rejection dilemna/burn. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And most certainly you will be a famous artist some day.

  • Dawnda

    Wendy – I am sorry to hear about the letter. One thing I would like to point out at least you tried!! You put yourself out there and that is never easy. I am equally annoyed with the cost to enter anything. It seems like a double whammy!!
    Keep your head up, don’t lose faith and just keep trying. We all believe in you and your dream. The right place and time will come along soon!!

    BTW – I would be happy to accompany Catherine and assist in running over these letters. I could even bring my big truck towing the fifth wheel and really do some damage. Just say the word!

  • Kim

    Keep your chin and and believe!!

  • Catherine, the writer and motivator

    First, let me say that I am sorry. Do you want me to come over and we can lay the rejection letters on the road and I can run over them in my truck – back and forth – back and forth until you feel better? We redheads do crazy shit like this … trust me.
    Then I should tell you this:

    – Winston Churchill failed sixth grade. He was subsequently defeated in every election for public office until he became Prime Minister at the age of 62. He later wrote, “Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never – in nothing, great or small, large or petty – never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never, Never, Never, Never give up.”

    – The Impressionists had to arrange their own art exhibitions because their works were routinely rejected by the Paris Salon. How many people have heard of the Paris Salon?

    – Albert Einstein did not speak until he was 4-years-old and did not read until he was 7. His parents thought he was “sub-normal,” and one of his teachers described him as “mentally slow, unsociable, and adrift forever in foolish dreams.” He was expelled from school and was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School. He did eventually learn to speak and read, and even to work a little math.

    – An expert said of Vince Lombardi: “He possesses minimal football knowledge and lacks motivation.” Lombardi would later write, “It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get back up.”

    – Michael Jordan and Bob Cousy were each cut from their high school basketball teams. Jordan once observed, “I’ve failed over and over again in my life. That is why I succeed.”

    – Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor because “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” He went bankrupt several times before he built Disneyland. In fact, the proposed park was rejected by the city of Anaheim on the grounds that it would only attract riffraff.

    And me? I lost out on a job I prayed for to work with a top literary agent I greatly admire, then I lost out on a chance to work for a famous motivational speaker and writer. I cried both times and then said to myself, “Next?”

    Next was Heather, then Alyse, then Eight Women Dream. I may never have started this idea if I had not been rejected … I’ll end with something Rosalind Russell once said, “Flops are a part of life’s menu and I’ve never been a girl to miss out on any of the courses.”

    A big hug,
    Cath