8 Internet Dating Sites That Scare The Crap Out Of Me

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Have you started to date after the age of 45?

So you get how scary it is. Why did I pick dating again as my dream, after years off the market?

Because I’m crazy.

Many people have suggested I shop for a man online. I have done this in the past and the idea doesn’t sit well with me.

Okay, it makes me want to vomit.

I think you get that I haven’t found the experience to be all that “enjoyable.” Since I am still single — obviously the online matches didn’t work out.

Here are 8 Online Dating Sites That Scare The Crap Out Of Me

1. eHarmony @ www.eHarmony.com

There is a reason this site is referred to as “meHarmony.” I have found that I end up meeting the worst part of me – you know — the person I changed from after high school. I don’t want to meet that person.

I want to meet a guy who challenges me to grow. Plus, friends have told me that if you are not religious you don’t get many matches. Since I am religious, I don’t know whether this is true or not, but it didn’t work out any better for me anyway.

2. Match.com @ www.match.com

I don’t know if it’s good to be on a dating site my children and co-workers can find me on . . .

I grow tired of the profile line,

I like long walks on the beach.”

Really?

Even if you live in Kansas?

I refer to this site as “sex.com”, because most of the men I have encountered there want to see a full length photo, with cleavage and their opening line exists of

What are you wearing?”

I’m wearing turned-off – how does that look? It’s all about the hook-up meet-up – not about getting to know a person.

3. Plenty of Fish @ www.plentyoffish.com

Okay. I hate the name.

But this site isn’t that bad with forums and computability matches, but do I really want to date someone in Prague Russia? Or get involved with someone 2500 miles away?

And it still feels like,

Hi. I have an ad, and if I did my dating resume right, you and I might connect. . . what . . . you’re married?”

And it gets poor scores from a usability standpoint online. I don’t need to accidentally date my cousin in France because the system lined us up. . . um next?

4. OkCupid @ www.okCupid.com

I keep being told this site is fun, but rumor has it that they hide less attractive users from attractive users. How am I suppose to meet my nice bald, slightly fat, kind, adorable man?

Besides, the demographics say the average age is 18 – 34, so I don’ think my guy is there.

No. I am definitely not doing the Mrs Robinson thing.

5. Lavalife @ www.lavalife.com

Yeah, I am not even going here.

If you Google “Lavalife sucks” it tells me all I need to know.

6. Chemistry.com @ www.chemistry.com

This site confuses me. How can you have chemistry without meeting in person?

With profiles that open with sentences like,

I played football all the way through graduation and 8th grade”

as their most interesting educational pursuit, it makes me want to turn off my computer and never turn it back on.

7. PerfectMatch @ www.perfectmatch.com

Is there such a thing as a “perfect match”? The main focus of the site is on finding a long-term partner, rather than making friends or meeting dates.

Uh huh.

The average age is 20-40 years. I am looking for these people’s parents. Maybe I should join and ask to meet their dads?

8. Senior People Meet @ www.seniorpeoplemeet.com

Okay, I have to admit, I like the name and the demographic is for age 50 and older. But from what I see online for reviews there’s a lot of Nigerian “so-called men and women” who want to hook-up.

Do I even want to deal with this?

It’s enough that I get these emails,

Dear Madam, I have in my person a lottery fund check that . . .”

I don’t want to deal with this on a dating site too.

Buy Fine, I'll Go Online!: The Hollywood Publicist's Guide to Successful Internet Dating [Paperback]
Meeting men online and meeting men in the real world differ in many ways. Though neither one guarantees finding a loving partner, in many cases I have found online dating relationships not to be that strong. I think it is the result of meeting someone over a computer, instead of meeting them when you are out living your life.

A person gives of a lot of clues when you meet them in person, or watch them in their environment.

You can make assessments based on behaviors that might make you crazy – which can be hidden online.

What? I didn’t tell you I like to wear dirty socks all the time?”

Also technology can create a sort of pseudo-intimacy that can lead to premature frankness . . .

Do you wear underwear?”

Come on, would you really ask that if we casually met in a coffee shop?

I believe successful relationships start out best when nourished with support from friends and family. I am still convinced it is better to be introduced through family and friends. There’s an accountability when a guy has to answer to his friends.
Buy If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever [Paperback]

So friends?

Where is he?

And you? How do you like to meet people?

Tell me.

And please don’t say it’s online.

Veronica

Veronica rotated off 8 Women Dream in December of 2011 after successfully completing 2 dreams.

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  • Dave

    I found this article amusing. I have been divorced for 5 years. I really threw myself out there once I was single. I have tried most of the dating sites you talk about and Perfect Match was the best. I have also tried sites you didn’t mention. Some study I read says that 1 out of 8 couples getting married today met online. It doesn’t surprise me. All the really high quality women I have met in the last 5 years were on dating sites. I have only met one woman through friends and she just wasn’t my type.
    The good thing about dating sites is you get a chance of meeting people that you would never meet otherwise. The bad thing is people tend to be very picky while using these sights. You have to be open minded and flexible. Too often people make snap judgments based on a picture. I remember once I wrote to a woman and I got a nasty note back from her. She said she didn’t like my picture among other things. The funny thing is a year later I see this woman at the grocery store. We smiled at each other and I recognized her from that dating site but she didn’t recognize me. She let me know right away she was interested in knowing more about me. I let her know I wasn’t interested, I didn’t tell her why. Anyway, there are some real quality people using dating sites but you do have to be careful. As Rod says, it’s no picnic for us guys either.

    • Veronica

      Dave,
      I feel so bad for the woman in the grocery store, can’t you give her another chance, we all make mistakes.
      I have probably done the same thing, it is so hard.
      Perhaps patience while searching and moving it to phone and coffee sooner??
      Some of those photos though!!! Why don’t you share the photo with us, so we here at 8 Women Dream could help you out. :-)
      Look forward to hearing from you again.
      Veronica

      • Dave

        Veronica,

        I found your blog on Plenty of Fish while I was looking at your profile. You can see my picture and profile there.
        I do have a question while we are on the subject of dating sites. A lot of men I know see the same thing. We have no problem meeting women on these sites that live 75 or more miles away but women that live within 20 miles won’t even write back. It doesn’t matter if they have the same interests or not. I can write to 50 women on one site all living in San Jose and 45 will write back with some kind of response. But here in Sonoma County if you write to 50 you are lucky to have 3 write back. Even a “Not interested” is better than no reply at all. It really makes me believe that many women on these dating sites really aren’t serious about meeting anyone.
        And no….I won’t give that woman another chance. Why should I? She was rude to me. I am not the kind of guy that would be rude or say something nasty…or mean to a woman. Especially on a dating site. I’m not pushy…..I don’t ask for phone numbers. Heck, if I make contact with a woman through a dating site and we write 4 or 5 times I send my number and ask them to call when they feel comfortable. By that time, once they see my number some feel comfortable enough to send me their number if they don’t feel like making the first call. I can understand just not being interested in someone…..but not acknowledging that they have made an effort in getting to know you is rude. Why would any sane person want to give someone like that another chance?

        • Veronica

          Dave
          This is the wonderful thing conversing about a topic, especially a topic that can make us feel, vulnerable. We get the opportunity to view the situation from different perspectives, with no one being wrong. Its a wonderful thing.

          I agree about writing the guy and saying “distance is an issue for me” or “I am not looking for a casual relationship” or “for me I would prefer the man to have been married in the past”……my experience is that when I let them know I am hitting the delete button, they are mean, no matter how nicely I have put it.

          So Dave, help me out here, who are you on Plenty of fish. Please. Meet me halfway here.

          • Dave

            Veronica,

            Check your POF email.

            I do understand that you might be upset about a few guys remarks when you tell them you aren’t interested. But you can’t put us all in the same basket.
            I don’t make a habit of writing to women so far away. My point was those are the women that are most likely to write back. Believe me, I would much rather meet a woman closer to home. But if they don’t write back why should I waste anymore time on the local women? After a few years on (off and on) dating sites I have found that the majority of the time I am wasting my time writing to a local woman. And it’s the same on the premium sites as it is on the free sites.

            Dave

        • Veronica

          Dave,
          I am only assume that this is very scary for a lot of women, and well it is safer to chat with the unavailable men (distance makes them safe). The women or man not having to worry about rejection.
          Keep reading my posts, I look forward to your feedback.
          Keep smiling
          veronica

          • Dave

            Veronica,

            It’s scary for men too. Women aren’t the angels that you want to believe they are. :) As far as rejection…….men are experts at getting rejected. What are the women worried about? They aren’t worried about hurting our feelings.
            While they want to believe it’s safer to have that distance, what happens if they really meet a guy they like? Someone has to do a lot of driving and most of the time it’s the man. After a few months one of them will decided it is just too far. So why would anyone even want to start a long distance relationship? Why even write to someone that lives so far away? I think the truth is the great majority of women on dating sites just really aren’t ready for a serious relationship. Or any type of relationship. I can’t say the same thing about men…….because I don’t date men. lol I think a lot of people want attention that they aren’t getting at home, at work etc. So they put themselves on a dating site to see who bites, with no real intention of ever going out and meeting anyone.

  • Cutler

    Hilarious post about dating sites. I feel the same way.

    • Veronica

      Hey Cutler, thanks for sharing, look forward to hearing from you again, perhaps with some experience of your own you can share.

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  • Alexandra Brooks

    Here’s my feeling. When ur ready to find the latest “ONE” u may just as easily bump into them w/ur shopping cart at the Safeway as u r in cyber-space, thru a yenta, or at a backyard gathering in Petaluma. Preparation is helpful beyond. I have all of my single clients get this book “Calling In The One” by Katherine Woodward Thomas. It is a 7 week course you do alone. Some of the Exercises may seem ridic…do ’em anyway! When u have done the course once do it again. It will save u the agita of the 4 month “sorta relationship-but-I-dunno-where-it’s-going-syndrom?.” A blessing when ur no longer 22 w/ years & tears to waste on some silly attachment or other. If u “do” the book let me know how it goes for ya. I love a good love story! ;*} Alexandra Brooks

    • Veronica

      Alexandra, I LOVE books, so thanks for the advice, I will be running to the book store for a copy of “Calling in the One” Keep reading I will probably be blogging about it soon and let you know how it worked.

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  • Remy G

    Ask your quality friends if they know of anyone. its like a built in referral screening system!

    xox Rem

  • Catherine, Site Admin

    I 100% agree with –

    “Also technology can create a sort of pseudo-intimacy that can lead to premature frankness . . . “Do you wear underwear?” Come on, would you really ask that if we casually met in a coffee shop?”

    It also allows a guy to get off easy and not really get to know you in person or invest the type of time and energy to do so if all he has to do is flip open a laptop and say hi.

    They can also keep you at arms distance, hide the fact they are married and if their life is a financial train wreck.

    I’m with you – meet one doing something you love doing or be introduced by friends.

    Cath

  • Rod

    Veronica,

    Very nicely done. I had not even heard of a few of those sites. It was nice to read a woman’s perspective on the online dating disasters for/of us over 50. Believe me it is no picnic for us guys either.

    I agree where are our friends when we really need them. Wait I know this one, unfortunately, like us, looking for that special person too.

    Again, nicely done.

    • Veronica

      Thank you Rod, it is so great to hear from a man and to know that we women aren’t the only one’s that find it a challenge.