How To Make Fear A Thing of The Past

Ali on Overcoming Fear: Icon I - Buy at Art.com

This week I decided to ask my husband what his big dream is.

He told me that he wants to build a classic car. Or, I should say, rebuild a classic car. He recently acquired a 1956 Pontiac and has been tinkering with it almost every day. I have been married to this man for 23 years; I should have known the answer to this question.

The truth is that I did know rebuilding a car was something he wanted to do I just didn’t know how important it is to him. I was surprised when I asked him if he had a big dream and he answered, “Yes.”  I was shocked by the dream itself. I was even more flabbergasted that I had never asked him about his big dreams before.

I’m sure by now you are wondering how this is relevant to my dream. As I sat in stunned silence, staring at him as though he were somehow new and different, I began to have this niggling little thought. And then it grew, as niggling little thoughts tend to do, into something bordering on an idea.

I think we can all agree that we do not pay enough attention to our own dreams. If we did we would all be happily moving forward in our lives, completely ignorant of the possibility of life less lived. The sun would always be shining, the birds always singing, everything would always go your way, and there would never be another skunk under my house.

All of my 8 Women Dream articles of the past weeks started to float around in my head.

Overcoming Fear: Notice the Little Things - Buy at Art.com

Could it be that in order to achieve my own dreams I need to pay more attention to the dreams of those I love?

Is it possible that to hear my own wants and desires I need to open myself up to hearing the wants and desires of others?

I have known for a long time that I am a person who lacks compassion and that I can be very selfish.I am not proud of these things but they are true just the same. (This is not wallowing just statements of fact.) I believe these traits were born not out of self absorption or lack of human emotion but from many years of deflection.

I started wondering what I could do differently. How could I be different? How could I be more…there?

And then it happened.

You know that moment when somewhere deep inside your mind there is an audible click so loud you are sure everyone else could hear it? It was there, loud and clear. What I imagine to be the sound of church bells ringing in a small village town on a clear summer day.

Overcoming Fear: Pontiac No 1 - Buy at Art.com

The deflection, selfishness and the lack of compassion, they are the walls that I have built. Okay that part is not earth shattering news to anyone who has ever sought the help of a therapist. We all have a story to tell. Something that happened at some point in our lives that changed us, that helped to shape us into the person we are today.

I have had the idea to write my story since I was 16-years-old. I have stopped myself time and again because I don’t have any burning desire to hurt my family.

All of these things went through my mind as I sat looking at my husband and thinking about what has stopped him from achieving his dream.Sometimes we are stopped by things that are outside of our perceived control. For him it was money. He needed to change his perception.

While it is true that it can cost a lot of money to rebuild a classic car that money does not all have to be spent in one fell swoop. So, he is tinkering and he is happy.

I have been stopped by fear.

Fear of hurting someone that I love maybe even myself. But, I think the reason I have not moved forward in my dream is that I may be trying to achieve the wrong one.Oh I think it is still writing but a little different than I had imagined.

I am going to begin working onwriting my story.

So, wish me luck in visiting my past.  Wish me strength to deal with my family and all of our feelings.

Here’s a video on dealing with fear —

Dawnda

Dawnda’s dream was to get some piece of writing published in 2009.  She left the 8 Women Dream group in 2009 to focus on finding full-time employment.

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  • Kim

    Can’t wait to read your book! (I’ll read that one for sure)

  • Heather_M

    D – I get it, but we also speak in sign language that only we understand… usually laughing our butts off and trying not to get thrown out of restaurants.

    Love to hear what you have next on your dream agenda too!

    Oh, and anytime you need a driver for a trip to the city, AND there are books involved, I’m there!

    Let your story out and we will be there to keep you going.

    Hugs – H

  • Catherine, the writer and motivator

    What have you done this week for your dream and what is your plan for next week? Any baby steps completed so far? Let us know where you are at on your project, what is happening and all this good stuff so we can follow you and your dream within this absolutely great post…

    Did you go to any writer’s meetings? Send resumes? Enter another contest? Find a resource you are going to use that you can share? Have you looked through Writer’s Market? Finish reading On Writing? Figure out a plan for executing your dream? Find another great book?

    Details woman – I want details ;-)

    Hugs,
    Cath

  • Dawnda

    It’s okay – at this point I’m not sure I really get it either. I’m not sure why but I couldn’t get my thoughts to come together yesterday. I guess I should have had someone read this before I posted it. It is great to know you have my back though!! And I totally understand what you mean about globbing onto someone else’s happiness.

    Oh BTW – I should have replied last week but since I didn’t – I would love to go down to the SF library! I don’t drive well in the city though….huge car and people just annoy me…………

  • KB

    OK, I’ve read the post three times and I’m still not sure I “get” it. But I care about you and your journey so, know I’ve got your back. I’m just not sure what I’ll be fending off. But by God I’ll fend it off if you need it fended.

    You see the problem with these ah-ha moments is no one around you ever sees you the way you see yourself. For example, of all the adjectives I could use to describe you, selfish or unable to feel compassion would not be on the list. Then again, I haven’t known you very long. Well, I’ve known “of” you for a very long time but that doesn’t really count.

    My only words of caution are this. Sometimes when we get really, really close to a “breakthrough” we find the nearest and most familiar exit. Often, especially it seems with women, that exit is into someone else’s happiness. Keep yourself in check with your own happiness and everyone around you will be blissful.

    KB