Got a Dream: Ask For Help – The Toxic Mother Questionaire

Hi, I was wondering what exactly you mean by toxic mother.
I think I qualify. Let me give u a couple of examples. When I was around 8 me,mom,dad were on our boat we lived on the water. The skies were getting dark clouds, the water was getting rough, a storm was coming, the boat was taking on water, as my dad furiously was trying to empty the boat of the water it was taking on. My dad yelled to us, jump off the boat and swim home.
Me and mom jumped, and she was swimming ahead of me. I got stuck in a huge bed of seaweed and yelled help,I couldnt get free from it. I remember my mom just turning her head to look back at me, as I yelled, help I’m stuck. She didnt show any sign of any emotion, as she turned her head forward again without missing a stroke in her swim and kept going with out helping me. I managed to untangle myself, I had no other choice if I wanted to be free of the tangled seaweed. I swam behind her, we arrived home. I dont remember if I said anything to her about not helping me.

Then at other times she was overboard the other way. I remeber a big party with our church friends at this ladies house. She lived on the canal and about 20 of us were swimming for about 20 minutes, when all of a sudden there was a loud shreik, scream, that brought all the conversations and merriment of the afternoon party to an instant halt. While my mother screamed, that I was going to drown, and get out of the water now. How embarrasing! The church leader guy was standing next to my mom and said, just leave her alone, she’s fine. So she did. But why did she not even help me when I needed it and now all of a sudden she’s the concerned mother. What a bunch of shit.

She was way over protective most of the time. I wasnt allowed to do stuff other kids got to do, like ride my bike to the TSS store, or have a babysitter. My parents always took me to their grown up parties, instead of hiring a sitter. I had to go and be the only kid there and made to be upstairs in the living room by myself and go to sleep on the couch. I could never sleep at those things, while I could hear all the loud adults getting drunk. I would be bored out of my mind and wishing I was home. I remember my dad being so drunk and running a red light while my mother screamed at him, and I was scared.

The one time I did have a babysitter I drove her nuts because I was so over excited about it. We baked cookies and I was in heaven. I begged for her to babysit me again.
Of course that never happened.

My mom was extreme in her ways. Her personality was overpowering and I was not allowed to freely have my own opinion. It was her way, and she would win any battle, still to this day.

When she was scolding me, I was not allowed opinion or discussion, or even to sigh, tsk, roll my eyes, in fact I just held my breath as to not make any movement, because if there were movement of any sort, it would mean more screaming or scolding, being in trouble for that. I totally avoid conflict, and I get embarresed if someone wants to point something out, like if they have an issue with me, and others are in earshot. It takes me right back to those days.

We had to go to church 3 times a week, and go preach the word of god, door to door. I hated that. She said I didnt have to worry about college, because I was going to marry a “brother and preach the word of god”

She was so strict, it was horrible. She had an accent which embarresed me, then the church thing, and just all these rules all the time.

I had just given birth to my third child, and my mom got home from vacation, she’d been gone a month. She came over and gave my husband a nice sweater she bought for him, my daughter something and something for the baby. Then she looked at me and said,” Oh, I’m sorry, I didnt get you anything.” I said that’s ok, I was not going to show that I wish I had gotten a gift. So I played it off as if it didnt hurt.
When she left my husband came up to me and said she hates you. Your mother hates you.

I said no she dosnt, why do u say that? He insisted she did, and he said didnt u hear what she said? She didnt have a gift for u, but she had gifts for all of us. He started to point out things that made me think maybe she did hate me.

All I know is that she controls everything. My father hasnt spoken to me in 17 years. When I tell my mother she has to do something about that before he or I die. The survivor is the one that is going to be left unfairly holding on to baggage that will be overwhelming.
She says she cant help it thats the way he is. She is full of shit. He is not talking to me, because she dosnt want him and I to re unite for some reason. She is holding a big secret, which is another whole long story, but believe me, if she wanted us to re unite and be father and daughter like normal, we would be.

There was a period of time that I didnt speak to her, and people didnt understand. My daughter also was not speaking to her and if we said we hated my mom. people wouldnt understand and think we are being mean and wrong.

Any way, this is just an idea of a little bit of how it was so let me know if you are interested or if this isnt what you are looking for.

Ps my daughter gets everythiing all the time. I get almost nothing. My mom cuts back on me when she spends on my daughter. They will cut back on me when they buy her a brand new car or something, when mine just got stolen.

Any way email me if you wish

Your stories are amazing and I am glad I have the mother I have. I don’t have a story to share but this is an incredible blog!