Hawaii Dream: When Pele Speaks – I Listen

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hawaii dreaming

I’m just back from Hawaii where I visited a really ritzy hotel in Kona for a luxurious massage. I was seduced by an ad in the in-flight magazine. Who could resist?  It had everything: the lush setting, the koa wood lockers, and a private cabana deep in a leafy oasis.

Driving along a black lava moonscape I got that sinking feeling that I would probably be disappointed. So often there is that wide chasm between print ad and reality.

So imagine my happiness when it was even lovelier than I could have dreamt. Plus for once I was wearing a super cute outfit with perfect little red sandals even Dorothy of Oz would have envied.

Massages can be tricky things. Each masseuse has an individual style and vibe. Growing up in a family that spent weekends at Wine County hot springs, I know a good massage and I’ve come to expect a restorative experience.

I always chat up the masseuses.

I usually ask what they like about their work, what they don’t, what has been the strangest thing that has ever happened. One masseuse told me that you can’t be squeamish about bodily functions.

When people relax they can begin snoring, many burp or pass gas and it is not uncommon for massage clients to cry or burst out laughing. The massage table is where I say to myself,

Self, you deserve a nice massage. You are so hard on yourself. Let this nice person help you to release some of the anxiety that you carry around in your neck and shoulder muscles.

I also have massage revelations — jolts of personal insight that I SWEAR I shall carry away with me like a shield for the rest of my life.

It was a sunny day with a soft breeze. The thatched cabana had open windows all around and a fan spinning lazily above. During the set up I was asked to pick out my oil from three tiny sample vials.

The trio were very similar in scent tone; nice botanicals without nauseating chemical duplicates of floral smells. The Alice in Wonderland choices were labeled “healing,” “earth” and “balance.” I’ve been off a little bit off-kilter lately, so I chose balance.

And then the fun started.

Did you ever have a massage so good it was scary?

This masseur did things I’d never experienced yet instantly craved like a baby wants milk. He rotated my limbs individually in this hypnotic rhythm, sort of working them loose and then clicking them back and forth until the clicking stopped and they settled back into place, only better.

I always wear panties during a massage ‘cause I’m too body conscious to free ball. Most masseuses will respect the elastic at the waist like a barbed wire fence.

Not this guy.

He started at my shoulders and rubbed down my back and under my panties cupping my seat because that’s what he does and I needed it. It was like I have these funny ticks that limit me and he knew it and he did his best work whether I was up for it or not. (Relax! My Mister was on the next table.)

He didn’t let my weirdness compromise his work.

His sureness allowed me to relax enough to daydream. Of course, this book project popped up. It has been adding to my stress in that it’s a structured promise that has been forcing me to look at things in my past.

Recently, I asked myself what was the worst thing my mother ever did to me. I mean, really, what is her big sin? It’s a hard one because there are so many daily sins, so many small cruelties that I don’t even want to think of the big picture.

What are worse, the doubts she planted or the dreams she tried to smother?

I’d like to answer that question, yet at the same time I don’t want to hand anger an anchor by obsessing about it.

In Hawaii the dominant female superhero is Pele, the volcano goddess. She’s everywhere in song, street signs and music.

I started thinking, Mother Pele why am I so angry at my mother? How do I release this anger?

And this is what I heard, clear as a volcano erupting.

You have anger and hurt in your heart, but not in your spirit. The anger was put there by others and you can remove it any time you want.

My eyes flashed open to see the plantation fan spinning faster than I remembered. Doves were cooing and palm fronds brushed in the window shutters. Nearby a waterfall splashed.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

You have anger and hurt in your heart, but not in your spirit. The anger was put there by others and you can remove it any time you want.

And I knew that Mother Pele had answered me.

She was saying telling my story and listening to the stories of others and sharing them all would pull positive energy into my heart and push out negative energy like lava hissing into the sea.

Tears slipped down into my ears as my massage came to an end, but in a good way.

After walking back to a shaded resting area the masseur thanked me for letting him work with me.

I think he sensed that his skills allowed me to receive a special message from a powerful Hawaiian spirit.

That or I’ve had a stroke and I’m hearing voices.

Writing this a week later, I feel a big reduction in my anxiety about my project. Your brave reader comments on the subject of toxic parents help, too. I’m beginning to realize that this book project is going to be a strange journey, but nothing I should fear.

Just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, special spirits are in my path. I trust that if I just do my part — the writing — they’ll do theirs, helping me find peace of mind and guiding me forward when I need it.

Rayne Wolfe’s dream is to write her first book Confessions of an Undutiful Daughter by the end of 2011. She completed her dream journey May of 2011 on 8WD after a year living her dream. You can find her at Toxic Mom Toolkit on Facebook.

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  • Rayne

    Many thanks for your kind note. Please come back to 8WomenDream.com next Sunday!

  • Sarah

    Wonderful read.

  • Thanks for this. I really loved the read.

    • Rayne

      I owe you a belated thank you for your post on my blog. Please come back any Sunday for new columns.

  • Rayne

    Oh my goodness, of course it’s a masseur!!! I’m such a dope. I’ll go fix that. Thanks! And thanks for your post!

  • Laurie Allen

    Awesome post! I’ve been a masseuse for 25 years. I’ve seen it all! It is so amazing how things get stored in your body and a good rub down can release old misery as well as total joy. I totally get the bummer of paying for a lousy massage, it’s definitely a crap shoot. My husband and I opened our massage business in 1986. We have learned so much about people by working directly with their muscle memory. Just for the record a dude therapist is a masseur. Anyway, how about that glorious Pele. I draw a Goddess knowledge card daily and Pele often appears for me. She reminds us that even in the midst of fiery eruption, there is creation and new life.
    Thanks for sharing Rayne
    Mahalo, Laurie

  • Pingback: Hawaii Dreaming: When Pele Speaks, I listen | Travel Light Travel Far()

  • Well, first off, I think that resort should fly you over, put you up for a week, and run you through each of their spa treatments in return for a review!! Man, did I ever want to be there. And I don’t even like massages!
    Anyone who knows you knows you have no anger and hurt in your spirit. Holo Mai Pele!

    • Rayne

      Nancy, you are so sweet! Thanks for vouching for me, yet again…. Hey, I debated and debated whether I should mention the hotel. If anyone wants to know it’s the Fairmont Orchid in Kona, Hawaii. The couples package included the cabana outdoor couples massage, a gorgeous lunch (off the menu/not a “spa meal” in a cardboard box) at the beachfront restaurant AND a beach pass including a double lounge with the big canvas umbrella covers over your head for $298. It was our splurge, but it really was a super deal. Did I mention there was waiter drinks service on the beach?

  • Remy, the photographer

    Rayne, I cant just read your “words”. There is something about how you write and the clear honesty that you write within – very inspiring – and it convinces me that truly important things – things that we want – require us to dig to the level you go to, massage or no massage…But there is a slight shift in your post this week – more of a sense of what you are wanting, what you are trying to build – rather than what you don’t want or what you are trying to repair. I am honored to be a part of your process. Stay strong and keep going! Pele is my new superherogoddess! Rem

    • Rayne

      Remy, I really appreciate your observation about a tone shift. That helps me. Going back to my early pieces, especiallly the one where my mother calls me after no contact in decades, that’s where the seed was planted for this column. Had my mother not caught me on the phone, I never would have known that my anger had significantly diminished. I’m thinking the more I face this topic the weaker it gets and that’s good for me! That’s balance. That’s off-loading negative. Thanks for your thoughtful observation. Later Gator!

  • Catherine


    I think I should just leave it at that.

    But I don’t think people will give you grief for issues with your mother, talking about it online and writing this book of yours. Often comment trolls (people who leave nasty comments on websites) are 13 year-old girls and 14 year-old boys.

    They’d make Satan cry.

    I’ve got your back on that one.

    And judging by your AMAZING writing skills, I think it will change people’s lives by setting them free to talk about the toxic relationships they were raised around.

    And maybe they’ll be able to put their pain to rest.

    All hail Pele.


    • Rayne

      Thus far, no reader has dissed me, for which I am very grateful. Almost as grateful as i am to you for always leaving thoughtful comments.